I put on a show that I'm strong but sometimes I feel I am not. I am totally scard and freaked out about loseing weight due to the abuse I had as a child and teen. I am like a yo-yo dieter. I lose weight and I gain weight back. To me fat is a security blanket keeping from being checked out by guys and in my stupid head thinking it could keep me from being abused but I know that is wrong but there still is a part of me that still thinks that. I am a junk food addict. I lose weight and when I get to a certain wieght I go back up and get junk food again that causes that. I am totally freaked out when I get a certain weight or less then that . If you have some time, you don't have to, if you could pray for me. Gee just by the sentance you can tell I have hardly any self-esteem also